The Shattered Trilogy

I'm now working on a Trilogy called

THE SHATTERED TRILOGY
in 6 sentences

First is Contingency Squad
then BioCoded
then A Suitable World

CS is about expendable criminals that do the job of policemen, who society hates. Then this team learns some things about those in the government that they thought were honest.
BC is about a young orphan raised by his butler in a world already conquered by the villain. With the villain having already won, there's only one place the battle can take place.
ASW revolves around super powers and what would've happened if BC hadn't. Where there are super heroes, there have to be super villains.

Jim Blow 2

There was a loud thud at the door. He couldn't get through my secure, reinforced, steel bunker door. Could he? I released my pigeons through a secret panel in the ceiling, hoping they'd make it to my editors. How had this intruder found out so quickly of my latest chronicle? My arctic home wasn't safe, that much was certain.

My breath appeared before my eyes as I released chilly air from my lungs. Maybe a secluded arctic house wasn't my best idea. What's the murder rate on the beach front?

Snapping back to the problem at hand, I noticed that the steel door was folding. Of course! The hinges were frozen, that would allow--

The door snapped off, disconnecting from the icy walls on either side. I hurried across the room, readjusting my hat. Beneath my writing desk was a secret access panel. With all the haste I could muster, I dove to the ground, sliding like a penguin across the ice toward my desk. Dropping down into the access beneath my desk, I couldn't help but peer back up at my intruder. Swallowing, I blinked a few times. I couldn't believe my eyes. How was he here?

"Jim Blow!" the man in the green plaid sportscoat called, stepping over the evidence of his breaking and entering.

I'd recognize that brown tie anywhere. How had he escaped!?

"You know!" the man continued, drawing closer to my escape route, "I could hang myself in all the irony I've seen. You really are a clever man, Jim."

Yupp, I'd seen enough. Closing the hatch tightly above me, I ran down the dark tunnel toward my--

Oh. That's right, I forgot to finish this getaway tunnel.

With a deep breath, I scribbled a note into the snow bank nearest me. An icy slide appeared before me. Having more fun that I probably ought to have been having, I jumped down the slide, listening to the loud screams behind me. Next time I wrote a book, I'd have to be more careful about letting people like that slip through the pages. Perhaps if I could just get my hands on some paper and a quill, I could write some tragic ending to the mistake this character had been.

Dismemberment might do my attacker justice.

And in my defense, I hadn't meant to create him. Too bad the IOS had tried to kill me, instead of just dealing with this...accident. Maybe they'd let me back into their guild after my latest discoveries! Detective Layton had been right about the Contingency Squad! Must say, I'd been surprised when he starting looking into this most recent development. Who'd've thought the government would try--

All in good time, I was getting ahead of myself. We didn't know anything yet. For now I needed to focus on escaping, and then contact my editors--

Crap. My messenger pigeons wouldn't know where to find me. That's unfortunate.

Escape first, learn more about "Project BioCoded" later.

Hmm, maybe I should've written in the snow that the slide ended somewhere useful...or ended at all.

Jim Blow 1

I sat, deathly ill, in my arctic home. Owning my attention was a blue file in very poor condition. There were wrinkles and tears in the folder, and the bottom right hand corner had been badly burned. Locking my doors via remote control, I switched on a desk lamp and forced its light onto my work. With a deep breath--and another quick check over my shoulder--I peeled the file open. The detective working this case before me, may he rest in peace, had found very little regarding project BioCoded. I owed it to Detective L. to finish the work he'd begun.

Releasing a stream of hot air out from between my lips, I watched it freeze in the cold air around me. My mind wasn't on the cold, though I wore a large furry coat, obviously too big for my slender frame. I tipped my stetson ripely downward, running my fingers along the grooves and tears in the front of the aged brown hat. Readjusting my specks, I drew an icy breath inward, pouring over the single sheet of paper in the file. Nothing was solidified in the file; only guesses and whispers of rumors.

There was a loud knock at the door. Either the pizza delivery guy had changed his mind about their delivery radius policy, or I was about to be attacked.

Reaching for my quill, I breathed hurriedly on my freezing ink. As the intruder entered my home--neglecting to wipe his feet on my snowy welcome rug--I penned a letter to my editors and friends. The man here to kill me for this file wouldn't make it through my bunker door, and into my arctic home. Probably.

Dear Editors, I wrote desperately, forgetting to dot my i's and cross my t's. Or at least I would've forgotten, had auto correct not chastised me.

It should be important to note that there is no excuse for poor grammar or gross illiteracy. Even when moments from death, one should be careful to mind their spelling and maintain manageable motion over the number of exclamation points punctuating their final words.

****

I remained motionless in my arctic home, waiting for my attacker to come. He never made it past the doors, as I'd predicted. Leaning back over the file, I discovered a small stain on the bottom right corner. But was this a stain? Or a clue! I felt the piece of paper. It was a thicker material; something like card stock. With a light touch--and several hundred attempts--I was able to peel the paper in two. I retrieved fingerprint dust from one of my secret hiding places behind a picture frame. Hoping I wasn't wrong, I spread the dust evenly over the botom paper. The dust revealed exactly what had been on the top paper, but also a word that the top page had hidden from me.

Dystopia?

I read it again. This was Detective L.'s handwriting. My first lead! But I didn't know a whole lot about dystopian works. I had a friend who did, though. In contacting him, I'd be putting him at risk, but the situation was dire.

I messaged Zakar, an expert in dystopian works. With a deep inhale, I encoded our conversation. Was it just my paranoia that created noises on the other side of my steel door?

Zakar, I wrote hurriedly--or at least as hurriedly as I could in the code I was using. The Huckleberry is not safe!! BC is compromised. I am fleeing my ~AC for a more secure location. Dispose of my pez dispensers, and eat at least five hundred thumbtacks.

INDEBTED,

VIOP Supercedes

Though BioCoded was promised as my next work, something else has caught my fancy.
A sequel to Heroes In Odd Places--not to mention some degree of redemption.

VILLAINS IN ODD PLACES.

More to come...so stay tuned.

CS Vertig

Contingency Squad is finished! Now we begin final edits, and by that I mean procrastination before the final edits.

Next Book: BioCoded has hit the Dystopian Storyboard, and is bouncing around. Got a plot? email our toll-free hotline: jimblow@unsinkable2.com

And remember, no idea is a bad idea, unless your idea sucks

Shout outs

Nothing much this week...

But three shout outs

1. We will kill ourselves by killing our environment. (this may be a future dystopian book idea.)

2. Heroes in odd places has shot across the Net! It is now available on lots of sites beyond Amazon

3. Contingency Squad is down to four chapters left in the writing process, and then final editing.

JB on FB

Jim Blow has made my way to Face Book! Get on and follow the Jim Blow facebook Page. (the page, not the person.)

Biocoded Teaser

The covers were sprawled everywhere, and the pillows were discarded to the foot of the bed. A leg hung out over the edge of the bed, appearing out of a lumpy mass present under the sheets. A familiar tune drifted through the air, penetrating the blankets of the bed, and reaching inside a sleepy ear. The second the music was recognized, a person emerged from his blankets. His thick brown hair was matted down in some places, but sticking out randomly in others. He shifted his brown eyes from one end of his socket to the other, scanning his bedroom. The noise continued.
Cautiously, he swung one leg downward, bringing it into contact with the ground. He flattened his foot against the ground and wiggled his toes. Stepping out of bed, he moved swiftly across the room to where the noise was coming form. He reached into a small black bag and produced a communication device from out of it. Satisfied, he brought the device to his ear.
Moments later he was standing out in the rain. It was perfectly dark outside, save a single, flickering lamppost. He wore sunglasses. A long, dark raincoat that he bore, flapped about his feet where the coat ended. Sewn patches of grey were placed at the elbow and shoulder positions on the coat. He rubbed at a little scruffy beard that grew about his chin and cheeks. He had tall elevator boots, which were water-proof, and jet black to match the rest of his apparel. They were buckled tightly over his feet. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't sad. Atop his head stood a worn black hat which came to a firm point at tits top.
His left hand hung motionless at his side. In his right he grasped the dark oak handle of an umbrella. Shooting out of the wood was a silver pole, which extended into the air. Eight tiny prongs reached like spidery fingers out of the pole. The prongs stuck into the webbed fabric of a dark, dark green umbrella. Droplets of rain water dropped out of black, billowing clouds overhead. They made light thuds as they crashed into the umbrella, bounced upward, then came back down, rolling down the fabric to the tip of the umbrella. There, at the edge, they waited for gravity to pull them to the ground with a splat. The pitter-patter of rain was just a mere disinteresting distraction offered by his setting, though.
Without any estranged facial expression, he reached his left arm up in front of him, bending it at a ninety degree angle so that he could view a small silver watch strapped to his wrist. The larger of the hands on the face of the clock directed the wearer's attention toward the tiny twelve, and the smaller hand cast it's point to the three. The clean face of the watch showed a dark reflection of the man wearing it. Looking up, he saw the dark figure of a person coming nearer, up out of the rainy darkness. He dropped his arm back down to his side.
The man and the newcomer exchanged pleasantries, asking about one another's health and welfare. This newcomer had an umbrella of her own. She had a dark blue rain jacket on with a faded white company insignia illegible in the corner. Her jacket was zipped all the way up. The man noticed that she was wearing tight jeans and sneakers, but was more interested--though he did not express it--in how she was masking her face in the darkness of her hood's jacket. He did not know what reason she would have for hiding her identity, but that was not his main concern at this time. It wasn't of particular interest or care to him whether she was in or not.
He reached his hand outward. Rain dripped onto it, forming a small puddle of water in his palm. It appeared as though he took no notice. The woman inhaled, drawing a sharp breath before reaching a hand into her jacket. When her hand came back out, it was grasping a small leather pouch. Slowly, even hesitantly, she reached the bag forward. For a moment she held it above the man's hand. Then she swallowed and loosened her grip on the bag until it had dropped from her possession. The man closed his fist around the pouch and brought his wet hand back into the shelter of his umbrella. He stuffed the bag into the pocket of his coat. Pulling his hand back out and returning it to his side, the woman could see a small lump in his pocket where the bag now was. She ducked her head even lower than it had been before.
The man turned around and disappeared into the darkness, leaving the woman behind him. In turn, the woman looked both ways and retreated to where she, herself, had originated. They both knew what was being created. And though they didn't know it, they'd be seeing each other again real soon as a result of this meeting.
It wasn't raining anymore, but it was still dark outside. The man was here, but several new faces accompanied him. One of these faces stepped forward as a superior to the others. He addressed each of the individuals before him by name. He called for the pouch which was brought forward by the man with sunglasses and a raincoat. Receiving the new pouch, this leader of sorts placed it in his own pocket. Then he gave orders to meet at a mansion up the hill the following day. They'd have to remove some powerful influences from order if they were to pass what they had fought so long for. The man with the dark, dark green umbrella turned and left.

Talk talk

The following is an Excerpt from an ecclesiastical speech I presented, including excerpts from the religious text of the bible: John 17

World War Two. Prayer. Goliath. Us. What do these things have in common? They’re all part of a list.

Now I want to talk more about this idea of lists. Specifically, a list that saves people.

In World War Two there was a list like the one I’m describing. It was called Schindler’s List. Now this guy named Schindler ran a company in Germany. The factory he ran made ammunition that was vital to the Nazis. Except Schindler wasn’t really making ammunition, he was helping refugees to escape. Schindler would deliver lists to guards with names on it. These names belonged to refugees. He said that he needed these certain people to keep his factory running. So the Germans gave him the people on the list to help fun the factory. Then Schindler helped the people escape, and delivered new lists. His was a list that saved lives.

(side note: there's a movie made of Schindler's endeavor. (called Schindler's List) and it's worth it to watch)

There are lots of great lists. Lists at the Temple. Lists like the Book of Life. From these two examples alone, I hope a picture has been painted in your mind about the importance of lists. This is awesome.

All right, another important list. Let’s turn to the scriptures. A very good place to start. John 17 in the Bible. To really appreciate the list described in Christ’s Intercessory Prayer at the Garden of Gethsemane, I’m going to fill a little bit of context.

Close your eyes...or just imagine. It’s peaceful. Quiet. And you’re walking through a beautiful and solemn garden. Then you see a man. There are other people with him. But you recognize the man as Jesus Christ. The son of God. You Savior. And mine. Jesus Christ is before you in the Garden of Gethsemane. Or rather, you’re there with him.

Bidding farewell to his apostles, asking them to stand and wait these final hours, He moves forward to pray alone. Found in verse four of John 17 is--and I’m paraphrasing--Our brother talking with Our Father. He says, “Hey...I’m done. I finished the Work you had for me.”

When we finally go, don’t we all want to be able to say that we, too, finished the mission?

This is leading up to the prayer, and the burden about to be loaded onto the shoulders of our Savior. Spoiler Alert, after the prayer Christ will be betrayed and move literally into the darkest hours. But besides all this pain--which, mind you, the Lord is knowingly walking into--Besides all that, and the ordeal He’s about to go through in the garden, we find ourselves back where my talk started.

With lists.

Again I’m paraphrasing the next several, meaningful verses as Christ prays, “I’m about to go. But there are people that I’m leaving behind. Watch over my friends, who are just outside the garden. Watch over those faithful followers. Help those along that did heed my word. And bless those that will heed thy word.”

Are we on this life-saving list?

Verse nine: I pray for them. I do not pray for the world, but for the ones thou have given me. Because they are yours.

Earlier I mentioned Burdens, specifically the great burden Christ has undergone. The burden of our sins. The physical burden of the cross on his back, the nails driven into his body, and the crown of thorns placed harshly upon his head.

Oh when we hear about this, we cringe and worm in our seats. Crucifixion was a nasty business. And the Romans perfected it to administer pain and agony.

Everybody is going through trials right now. Everybody has their problems. And when we get a glimpse into the trials another is going through, we weep for them. Sometimes we even wish we could take the pain from them. On the road to Mount Doom in Mordor, Sam-wise gamgee to his master, Frodo Baggins, says, “I can’t carry IT--being the one ring of power (and horrible burden)--I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.”

We can’t take burdens away, but we can lift up the people who bear them.

Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are one in purpose. We can join them in that purpose.

So how do we stand as witnesses? What are we to do? How can we stand as a light upon the mountain, when those in the valley below are ignorant of even the mountain’s very existence?

But there’s still hope. There always is with Christ on our side. Someone once said, “This is part of the infinite goodness of God, that he should allow evil to exist, and out of it produce good.”

It is possible, I promise. My pal David in the Bible illustrates this.

In a way, all of us has a Goliath to face. For some, shyness may be their Goliath. For others, education might be a Goliath. For David, Goliath was a very big, dangerous man, who wanted to kill young David.

But no matter who your Goliath is, isn’t it comforting to know you’ve really already beaten him. If we clad ourselves in the armor of God, armor that is stronger and stronger every time you do good, isn’t it great to know that you're part of an army that has already won the battle?

Can’t we fight. Stand as a light. Love our Father in heaven. And face the Goliaths of life?

I’m telling you that you can.

If nobody’s looking up at your light on the hill, pull out your trumpet and shout!

Guys! Life is made up of stories. Which are you telling?

Jesus Christ has a List. There’s a spot on there for you. For me. For everybody!

This list saves lives. Why wouldn’t you want to be on it?

In this honest, truthful Prayer, Jesus pleads with Heavenly Father on our behalf. He prays for his friends.

Verse 12: While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.

Verse 15: I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.

Verse 20: Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

World War Two. Prayer. Goliath. Us. What do these things have in common? They’re all part of a list.

Now I want to talk more about this idea of lists. Specifically, a list that saves people.

That can save us, if we so desire.

Who’s on your list?

I want to conclude with Verse twenty six of John 17

“And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.”

Pick-Up

Well, thinking up this post deprived me of several hours of sleep, but I finally have it! No, not insomnia. Pick-Up lines.

Behold! Jim Blow's GEEK PICK-UP LINES based on either LOTR or Harry Potter!

1. There must be orcs nearby, cuz you're glowing.

2. Wanna go to Mordor? Cuz you're my Preciouss!

3. Are you sure you're a muggle? Cuz you've got a spell on me.

4. Are you a Holcrux? Cuz you've stolen part of my soul.

Lord of Unfortunate Events book 1 part 1

My favorite book series of all time--not even my own novels--is the Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, which I highly recommend.
Another favorite of mine--which coincidentally was made into a movie just like the series above--is the Lord of the Rings series.
For this blog post you'll have to obtain some degree of understanding of both. That's only if you want to really appreciate everything I'm about to pour into this idea of mine.

First a short background for you people without a library or television. (but you have internet access?) Beware Spoilers and not understanding all the humor and depth to the following blog posts.

SOUE--Turned into a single movie with Jim Carey that I did not particularly care for. There is also a TV show coming out in August with Neil Patrick Harris. (Look back on this blog around that time for my reviews of it.)
Well it's hard to sum up thirteen amazing and hilarious novels. I'll try.
The Baudelaire (Violet, Klaus, and Sunny (listed in descending age)) learn one day that their parents have just been killed in a horrible fire with all their possessions, and their home. They're sent to their distant relative, Count Olaf--a vile and wicked man with no sense of hygiene or humanity. He is after the enormous Baudelaire fortune, which Violet will come into when she comes of age. He will do whatever necessary to retrieve said money.
Most importantly--to this blog post, anyway (though it ends up as a large, unanswered, mystery conspiracy in the books)--Olaf has a tattoo of an eye on his sock-less-ankle. The same eye appears everywhere else in his broken down house.

LOTR--(I've already said so much, so I'll hurry here. We haven't even gotten to the post yet!)
Frodo son of Drogo inherits the home and ring of his uncle Bilbo the Hobbit of the Shire. An old wizard tells Frodo that said ring is the One Ring that the Dark Lord, Sauron, is hunting. Frodo must embark on a quest to destroy the ring.
Most importantly--to this blog post, anyway--there is an Evil Eye in Mordor (where Frodo must go to destroy the ring in mount doom where it was first forged). This eye watches everything out pro- and an- tagonists do. It's evil and wicked and watches everything. It should also be noted that there are Ringwraiths: Nine men turned savage by the rings of power they were given. They hunt the one ring at this point in our story.

Now presenting:
THE LORD OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS book one part one

We start with Gollum--or Smeagol as he once was a Hobbit in the Shire, himself. That was before the Ring poisoned his mind and turned him into a ghastly, gangly creature--in Mordor under the torture of Sauron's Orc army. (Orcs are other creatures boiled up and screwed to be some new breed of evil). Gollum is being tortured for information about the Ring which he used to possess. (It was stolen by Bilbo Baggins and taken back to the shire. It holds the power to make one invisible...among other things). Amid the awful screams only two words could be made out. "Share! Baudelaires!"
One of the Nine Ringwraiths, Count Olaf--as the wraith was when he was a man--cackled. Share? That meant money. And research told him these Baudelaires were recently made orphans. It sounded fine to him. Amongst the family trove and fortune would have to be the one ring he was drawn desperately to. No matter what cost, he'd devise some scheme to get his hands on that fortune, and thus the One Ring.
Settling himself a devious life next door to the honorable Justice Strauss, Olaf waited. The Baudelaires came to him via Mr. Poe, who had taken them in until Olaf could be contacted, and the adjustments made.
Olaf's known associates, who he called his Theatre Troupe, were a villainous band of orcs almost as evil as himself. They were all horribly disfigured because they were Orcs for crying out loud! There was the hook-handed man, better known as Azog the Defiler. And several other random characters like the powder-faced women and a man that looked neither like a man, nor a woman. Or perhaps he looked too much like both. Hard to say. And these were just a few of Olaf's horrible Sauron-following band.
Sauron-followers.
Well, that's what they were. Pledging their allegiance to the Dark Lord, they hungered for the power and treachery of Mordor. However, this place was so very far away from Mordor where the Eye of Sauron watched. Driven crazy--well, crazier--they painted eyes all over the house, and Olaf even tattooed an image of the eye to his ankle between his black shoes and striped pant leg. He wore no socks as a wraith custom.
Now the Ring actually was in the Baudelaire's lives, but it wasn't in the bank with the fortune, like Olaf suspected. The Ring was actually in Klaus' possession. It was one of the only things left unharmed by the fire. (He found it surprisingly cool when he picked it up out of the flames of their home. And was surprised to see something blazing red on the outside. From his readings Klaus knew that this was Elvish, and he translated as best he could. There was a great deal about it being the One Ring, but he wasn't sure what that entailed). Klaus Frodo Baudelaire wore the ring about his neck even now. He soon found that when he wore it, he could be found invisible. This would certainly prove useful in the future.

TO BE CONTINUED

Horses in Odd Places 1

After reading the title of this post, you may be thinking what? Or perhaps you prefer more vile language, and so used it.
No matter what your initial reactive words were, you were likely confused at the title?
Can't even spell the title of your own book, you may be thinking to yourself. Or perhaps you shouted it.

Well I can spell, it's my jobb.

BEWARE!! POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR HEROES IN ODD PLACES MAY OCCASIONALLY OCCUR! GO BUY MY BOOK ON AMAZON BEFORE CONTINUING. It is three dollars on Amazon, and can be found by searching the title on amazon, or by googling "Heroes In Odd Places".

Welcome to the Spoof Book:

Horses in Odd Places Installment One

By Jim Blow

Prologue:

Blackhawk, Redfang, Greensting, and Bromet the Brown. Never heard of them? That’s probably because they all reside under the occupative name of ‘Horse'. Naturally these aren’t the only Steeds in all the Seven Kingdoms, there are fifty or so more scattered across the land. What do you really know about these creatures? There really is a lot to know. No horse can speak english. They typically have four legs, and great manes. They come in a variety of colors and sizes

Still unsure what a Horse is? Google it. They're really not that difficult to comprehend.

At this point you should know everything you need to know about Horses. Or at least, everything needed to know by this point.

HIOP 2

The "Good Guy"
Protagonist
Savior

HERO

Relative terms, as to each is its own.
In his own twisted mind, a "villain" may see himself as a hero.
And anybody can change or transform form one position to the other with ease.

Perspective is everything. Anybody can be a hero. Anyone can be a villain.

Even bounty hunters became heroes in their own way. But that was all for not when Prince Charming came along. Now the BH want revenge. (And revenge is totally underrated, by the way).

THE SEVEN KINGDOMS book 2...

not coming for a really long time.

Appraisal CS

At a ten word challenge to describe Contingency Squad, my team of editors said this:

“Convicts, criminals, thieves, and thugs VS thugs, thieves, criminals, and convicts.”

“Thugs, convicts, and criminal masterminds VS deputized thugs, convicts, and criminal masterminds.”

“A riveting tale of expendable con men turned heroes.”

“Government employs convicts to stop terrorists. Friendships, betrayals, adventure, corruption.”

“Semi-corrupt government employs team of skilled convicts to stop terrorists.”

Hey, they're paid to edit, not to count...wait a minute. Actually, they aren't paid at all.

BC

As we draw nearer to Contingency Squad's release, here's another tid-bit on what it's about. Behold! Jim Blow's next book: Contingency Squad

In this twisted reality based on the horrible and true events in our own society, Contingency Squad takes place in a frightfully plausible near-future dystopia where prisoners are sent on suicidal missions in place of the declining police force, and downward-spiraling world. Said world is a much darker place than our imprisoned protagonists may ever realize. Following a series of varying explosions, almost non-stop action, and clustering lies, reality and fiction are merged to create Jim Blow’s next book: Contingency Squad.

Coming November 2016....we hope....

Stay Tuned for more information, and follow Jim Blow on facebook.

Also Stay Tuned for Q&A on this very page, where Jim Blow asks and sometimes answers his own questions.

Quotations

Some recent thoughts of mine must be brought to light. Just two quotes today, and maybe I'll provide more expounding depth on either in a later, follow up blog post.

A word after a word after a word is power. --Margaret Atwood.

He incorrectly assumes that age is directly proportional to intelligence. --Me

For now the above is just for thought.

I'd like to leave you now with one last tangent.

"Attention everybody,"
this is me talking, by the way. I'm quoting myself.
"Attention everybody,
STOP making money off all those ideas I just haven't got around to thinking up yet."

I'm serious.

You see, I would've had that ingenious idea sooner or later. So just keep quiet until I think it up for myself. Geez.

I'll often come up with a brilliant idea, only to find that it is actually already invented.
That's dumb.

Back to the Bathroom for more Brainstorming, I guess.

Sizes

Now I ate a candy bar the other day, and something on the side of it caught my attention.
To my great annoyance, the side of this miniature chocolate said "Fun Size".

Jim Blow brings you....CANDY BAR SIZES and the problems therein.

Now we'll start small, and work our way up.

Bite Size--Who are they trying to kid? Nobody just eats one of these! If I get these, I have to get a package, and eat several of them to feel like I've actually eaten in junk food at all. Furthermore, it should be renamed Diet Size, because only people trying to cut back on delicious intake would actually limit themselves to a prize of a bite sized candy. It isn't even a candy bar, because it's too small to be considered a bar. More like a soften drop!

Fun Size--Now I have nothing against this name, except that it shouldn't be assigned to this treat. Fun size sounds awesome, and at my stature, makes sense. It's fun! Yay. But you have to be kidding me! There is nothing about this tiny treat that's fun. My idea of fun is a chocolate hot tub, with fruits I can dip inside. This should be the candy renamed to Bite Size. It's difficult to limit yourself to one here, and whoop-dee-soften-doo, what next?

King Size--Woah, this thing's big, and clearly fit for a name. But who would actually want to eat this much of a candy in one sitting? The problem is that this is too much, and the ones above are too small. We need a Medium Size. Seeing this candy bar we start to salivate like Pavlov's Dog. But when it comes down to it, owning it and eating it are different sports. To have a box of King sized candies provides an ideal sense of accomplishment and power, but when one is forced to feast, they'd sooner eat that broccoli leftover from dinner!*

Family Size--Now how does one measure a family? Are we talking Chinese families or Utahn families? There's a big difference. And how many does each person get? Do they individually package these for particular families? I doubt it. This is just a bad idea to cause brotherly contention in the home where sharing is enforced.

Sharing Size--Who actually wants to share this giant bag of chocolates? Who are they trying to kid? This ought to be renamed to Hoard Size. What a great name. You can hoard it like a Dragon's hoard, which makes the whole thing pretty sick. If they put this new name on a bag of rotting peas, somebody would buy it. What a great idea. But really, who are you going to give some of this stash to? Every piece you give away is a piece you no longer have.

Party Size--Hey! Fiesta! It's a Party! We love it! Exclamation Point. Aiight, so it's party sized, we get it. But what the heck are we supposed to do with this? I guess Introverted people like myself can't partake of this sweet gift... Come on, we love this one, but half this giant package is full of air, soooo...

That about sizes up this situation.
Jim Blow Out!

*I don't have anything against broccoli. It's one of my favorite raw foods, accompanied by raw potatoes and raw carrots.

Written Trailer

Movie trailers consist of short, concise clips from the movie--though sometimes not actually from the movie in some instances. This portrays the feeling and setting or genre a movie will be taking place in. In a sense,  it is a sample. Concerning instances where the scene does not come directly from the movie: This is done to convey a point not made in just one scene. It can also be used to mask what is really happening in the film. Trailers are great.

Now that's movie trailers as far as that's concerned. There are also TV show trailers, that run along the same basic idea. The difference is that these trailers are shorter, and more discreet in their rapid scene changes. These don't get much more across than the title.

Where am I getting with this? Book Trailers, of course.

Some book trailers are filmed. Some people got together, and grabbed the things at their disposal. Via film, they illustrated a scene or scenes from the book. This is an interesting way of going about it, as trailers for books rarely occur. (Unless the book is being turned into a movie, at which point the movie--and thus the book--get a trailer).

And where I'm getting to for the main focal point.

If movie trailers are clips from the movie, shouldn't book trailers be clips from the book? I'm not talking about filming clips.
The written trailer is what I'm getting to. Trailers for books should be made from short clips of dialogue/scene that takes place in the book.

Making sense, now?

To make a book trailer, why not write a short one-two pager consisting of snippets that take place in the book. The options for book trailers in this written format are similar to movie trailer options. For the short trailer we can take short clips of book, and compile them into a scene-changing trailer. OR. We have the option of writing a short description/synopsis of the book. OR. There's always the chance of writing a trailer with some things cut out of the book, and other things made up for the purpose of story-spinning. OR. In the end we can write a short trailer made out of things that aren't even in the book.

Now we understand book trailers. So what about teaser trailers vs actual trailers?



Written Trailers by Jim Blow

Contingency Squad

Jim Blow here. I'm working on a second novel. This one is called "Contingency Squad".

The BOOK big idea:

People have lost faith in their law enforcement. In one last consorted effort to protect society from "Wack-o's" (murderers, bombers, etc.) the government has instituted the Contingency Squad initiative. Prisoners are taken from the jails, and are sent on suicidal missions to protect the society that imprisoned them. If they do as they're told, they get time off their sentence. If they die on the job, they're easily replaced.
So what happens when the convicts realize that they're being set up?

Ci Fisher with assorted fellow felons fight through a world of misconceptions and misplaced hopes.

Join Me (Jim Blow) in my next book: CONTINGENCY SQUAD, coming soon.

--stay tuned for later blog posts about Contingency Squad--